Personally, I think my word for 2018 will be winner and that’s because I believe a winner isn’t declared without going through a task, mostly challenging.
My year started with the second semester of my post-graduate degree. I have been studying since September 2017 and this didn’t end as earlier as imagined. I literally studied all through 2018. Apart from education, this year was really indeed my year of “Real Adulting”. Yes, I left the teen category a long time ago but was I ready to start taking big decisions? No. This year alone, I went through a depression period for over 2 months, click here to read my depression story and how I got out of it.
A long year of study to pass all my modules, trying to balance that with my part-time job but also stressing my self on how and what to do with myself after this degree. I was lost, uncertain and of course extremely scared of the nearest future. In addition to all these was a ‘Not-so-great’ relationship with an ex extremely obsessed about marriage. Don’t get me wrong, I do want to get married someday but was I close to being ready? Heck Nope. I barely have few pounds to my account, my part-time job was literally giving me enough to sustain daily as a lady due to low hours, I was mentally not ready to start thinking or planning for such commitment because I already have so much on my plate to deal with.
I thought things were getting better after handing in my dissertation and now, I said to myself: “Time to get back to blogging and enjoy life after University” in July until I got the shocker of the year.
I failed my business finance module!
It’s a core module which simply means passing it is a MUST. I didn’t see that coming at all. The whole anxiety kicked in and knock me off real bad. Although, I was still very much active online but, a lot was going on in the background. Come September and it’s time to resit the exam. After several months of revising a module I sincerely don’t understand, with the help of YouTube tutorials and considering this is the only chance one gets to re-sit a post-graduate exam, I thought I was finally going to get over this. I studied hard, I tried every tip found online to understand the module but guess what?
I failed my business finance module AGAIN! [The second time]
I mean, considering that until my post-graduate degree, the last time I did anything close to financing which is Mathematics was in high-school and knowing my weakness with numbers/academic calculations; I thought failing once was acceptable but not twice. I was disappointed in myself, my morale was low and I almost gave up on education.
But this time, I consciously made up my mind not to be broken again. Immediately after receiving the bad news, I ask myself, what are the chances of getting another, hopefully last resit?
Can I say in between this, I was still living life and oh, I started my new job in November with more pressure to impress at work just like every other time you start something new. I ran to the student/exam help centre in University, ask all necessary questions and boom, I might still have a chance of re-sitting.
I need to first write a letter explaining why I think I am struggling with the module, why I failed it and why I should be given a chance. Now, your chances of getting a re-sit this time depend on the board of exam which you have to face at a scheduled time/date [Mine was Nov 13th]. To save you all the long story, December 13th, I finally did my exam again for the 3rd time after daily revision of 2-3hours after my 9-5 job. Hectic was an understatement during this period. But hopefully, end of February 2019 will be a good period for me – My result will be out then].
I know you are probably wondering why I am sharing all these even before getting the result. I mean it’s safe to wait to see if I pass or fail [By God grace I will pass] before sharing the struggle because of “what people might say or think of me”. Starting this post, I myself didn’t intend to share but I guess I am just going with the flow simply because this is my truth. My academic journey is part of me either pass or fail but it doesn’t define me or who I eventually become in life. I am more than every grade or result I get from University. Of course, I pray I pass but this same 2018 that looks terrible has been extremely good to me. In less than a month after submitting my dissertation, I got my job which I love. Not the highest paying for my experience and academic but I love my team, the company and I believe its a GREAT start for my career. This same year, I reconnected with the love of my life after 3 years [Mr A – although, we’ve always talked after I broke up with him in 2014 *Roll eyes]. My family and I are in good health and live in pure love/peace and harmony. In addition to that, I have wonderful friends who stuck by me through everything [@beautyandbrushes, @jenniferamani] these ladies were surely sent to me by God! And of-course Mr A [Strongest support ever these past months] and few people who helped me academically.
I am happy, at peace and still working on my faith – I am blessed!
WOW, that was such a long read but if you get to this stage, I want to say a big thank you for being part of my 2018! Thank you for the love, comments, engagement, taking time to read and most especially hanging around. I didn’t have a juicy 2018 but I am extremely thankful. I wish you a wonderful New Year ahead! Voila, that’s my 2018!
Cheers to a consistent weekly post on here in 2019 [Every Saturday].Don’t forget to leave a comment below. Tell me what you think about today’s post. I can’t wait to read your comment and response of-course! Do follow me @itsmaryamsalam on Instagram.
Remember, with God, you can overcome every situation. You are stronger than you thought and do not let a bad situation define your future!
I really love that you’ve not attached your value to your academic achievements and I’m glad things are working better. My year wasn’t so great too, I failed mostly at life, which affected everything else and let’s say my progress was like 0.1percent, I’m not being ungrateful. On the other hand, it’s the year I learnt the most about myself so far, and I’m looking forward to better times. Thanks for sharing♡
Thank you for reading and I pray things really gets better for you. It’s crazy how much we get to learn about ourselves when things are rough. Maybe that is really the reasons behind those rough times, for us to really discover ourselves. Thank you for sharing your story with me. I really pray 2019 bring you joy and happiness.
I’m sorry about the course you failed. I hope you pass when the results come out. Congratulations on yiur new job. I do hope 2019 will be better for you.
Thank you, darling. I hope so too. I wish you the same and Happy New Year Celebration in advance
This Post!! O Lord!! I can relate soooo much with the exemption of education. But everything from depression, feeling lost and all forms of uncertainty and wondering if God is there, I experienced it all and I want to say THANK YOU for your truth and I hope and Pray God favours you in your exam this time. I hope I get your happy ending too with regards to you connecting back with your ex!!
Beautiful, Inspiring and Motivating post Maryam. Xoxo
Thank you dear for reading. Trust me, I know how you feel. It wasn’t an easy journey but thankful because there is hope. I pray things get better for you in 2019. Don’t forget to stay in touch with me. Message me if you need someone to talk to
Thank you for the kind and thoughtful thought and gesture. I pray 2019 gets better for all of us!!
Thank you. 😘
This is awesome 👏🏾 I Pray You will pass In shaa Allah!
Your happiness and Peace will always be 💯
Ameen, Thank You sooo much
It’s been a tough year for me but I am pulling through each struggles with God on my side. I pray you get good news on your exam and am glad you are not letting it define you as an individual. X
Thank you dear. It isn’t easy but I try to stay as positive and believe everything is working for me
Thanks for sharing, I can so relate. I got a pay cut this year through no fault of mine. Organisation had funding issues. 30% cut. It is a lot! Not what I prayed or hoped for but still we move. 2019 will be a good year.
Ameen, 2019 will be better for us
Masha Allah Mariam, I honestly relate to everything 2018 was a tough year for me too,I struggled hard with depression and I’m sure it’s only by Allah’s Grace I didn’t do anything crazy, all in all I get to learn more about myself and I’m still on that journey of self discovery.. starting my own blog too in 2019 and I hope someday I get the courage to share that part of my life with people. Thank you for this post. Happy New year dear
Oh, thats exciting. Goodluck with your blog. Let me know when you start, would love to read
Oh my! Why do I feel like I can connect with you. I can totally relate with everything apart from the educational part. When I finished school I felt lost, so much uncertainty, fear and even my relationship just started having issues all of a sudden. Hmm but in all I give thanks to God. I speak positively upon you, you will pass your exams, every part of your life will fall into pleasant places including your love life.
Ameen. Thank You so much darling. Happy New Year
I really felt this..2018 wasn’t good for me either but im grateful for the outcome cos it made us stronger..even in my academics I experienced something relating to your post. But I’m still grateful for life cos when there is life there is hope
Spot on, when there is life, there is hope. We thank God for good health
Oh my darling Mariam, I’m sorry about the exam you failed. I must commend your effort and spirit. You are a winner because you never gave up on yourself. You have decided to live and breathe despite all. Pray all your wishes will come through.
Anwwwww, Thank you sis, I really appreciate you.
In exchange for education, mine was career. I failed totally at it but I’m also not letting it define me. Thanks for sharing your truth. It gets better onwards.